A light at the end of the tunnel...my VBA2C fight

So, last time I discussed this on my blog...I was having resistance from my OB. Naturally he has concerns, but he gave me some untrue facts on VBA2C and VBAC. He also flat out told me I would kill or hurt my unborn child. I left his office crying, because in my heart I know what I am capable of. I had yet another meeting with him last Friday...I told him I respect him as an OB but I cannot consent to a repeat c-section knowing what I now know. I don't think that any OB I have ever had has has my best interests at heart, and that is how I have ended up with 2 csections. So after he lied to me about the risks of VBA2C, he neglected to counsel me on the risks of the repeat csection, just expected me to consent. The consent form has it written down and for those who don't know what the risks are let me break it down:

• death
• bowel obstruction
• major blood loss requiring transfusion
• uterine scars which can cause complications in future

These are just a few issues...and I'm not going to get into why I am choosing not to consent. It's an educated decision I have made with my husband. It is ultimately my choice so please keep your judgements to yourself. 

At my most recent visit to the OB, he referred me to the head of the OB department at the hospital. My appointment is tomorrow. OH and by the way, they hadn't even requested my section reports from previous csections from the other hospitals. This is very risky because there could have been catastrophic complications that could have came about in this pregnancy that relied on the information from those reports. See what I mean by not considering my best interests. 

I contacted a homebirth midwife from OKC that does do VBAC and VBA2C. My first discussion with her was extremely helpful. She said that in her opinion the meeting with the cheif OB was set up with the intentions to scare me once again. I told her my plan to labor at home and go in at 8cm to deliver, she suggested that I get all my medical records and instead of trying to with that plan, that I should consider going OU in OKC when I was still in earlier labor. That they couldnt deny me medical help, and they would not force me into signing a section. I also asked her questions about her services and if she'd take me being that I am 38 weeks and a few days and I am a VBA2C. YES! What about Tricare? Possible reimbersement but I would pay out of pocket.

After having some disscussions with my hubby...We decided that, we are still going to attend the meeting with cheif OB tommarow. I will request to have all my medical records when I leave. I could not sleep at all last night, so I called the midwife back this morning, and asked her if we can set a payment plan for her fees. Agreed! So, she is comming over Thursday morning to check out my house and so we can talk and she can check me out and all the other fun stuff. As of right now, my opinion and feelings is that if I try to labor at the hospital it is not going to in my favor, I am convinced it's not going to hurt that bad, I am not scared of a pain free labor.

Diaper dielema: temporary solution

After a week of this ammonia rash, I was fed up...OK I was fed up from day 1, but I had to investigate what the best solution would be besides buying diapers. Since this was our first month of making the truck payment, I didn't want to blow it and over draft the account, so no unnecessary purchases...at least for this month so we can see how we stand. I know, I know diapers are necessary. I just wanted to try a few cheaper alternatives before I bought a pack.

I had read that Tide original had solved a lot of other peoples ammonia problems...But like I said, NO extra purchases...and I didn't want to go buy a whole box if it didn't work. I read that All free and clear was an acceptable diaper detergent...it had 3 out of five yellow stars and I just happen to have all free and clear as that is what I had been using on our regular laundry. I used it, even though the reviews on it as saying it can put some "wear" on your diapers. It bothers me that I am using it risking wearing them out, but, not as much as it bothers me that both of my little loves have ammonia burnt bottoms. Apparently, Charlies soap can cause problems when used in hard water...So, I guess we have hard water?

Anyways, All free and clear seems to be solving the problem...after 2 loads now (I do a load every two days) I am seeing a difference. HALLELUJAH! this morning....Their diapers smelt like lovey, buttery popcorn pee...just like the morning diapers they used to have in the A.M. when they where itty bitty babies. SUCH A DIFFERENCE, and the burns/blisters are healing. All free & clear, a tip of the hat to you today, you made me SUCH a happy cloth diaper mommy today.

I say temporary solution because I would appriciate a diapering detergent that doesnt wear out diapers. Maybe I'll be able to counter act the fact that this detergent will wear them out with hanging them on the line to dry. I am sure the dryer has got to have something to do with the wearout time as well. My stash consists of not prefold which are only 30$ a dozen so thats a replaceable investment. I did however purchase a sustainablebabyish 6 pack of one sized fitteds, and those where 115$ (FOR 6 OF THEM) not so easiliy replaceable. Maybe I will try a some other detergents and do more reaseach.

Cloth diapering dilemma

So, I dunno if you guys know this but I love cloth diapers. I know, I know....EWWWWW! I have my reasons and I am proud to say I do. Here's a quick list of my reasons:

• $MONEY$-it saves us a lot, especially because my initial investment was on the cheaper side
• better for my kids as far as avoiding chemicals
• I researched it and figured out an option that works for me, I am proud of that fact.
• better for environment-I am not a tree hugger but my Hubby has called me a hippie a time or two

These are the biggest reasons I can think of, most of all, money, since given that I am a SAHM...cutting corners on money is a big deal for us. With having another baby, needing a larger mode of transportation, I figure since I am home anyways, using cloth isn't such a big deal, just an extra load of laundry. It has in fact saved us money and I might do a blog about that later. Right now, I am going to talk about something else...my dilemma: 

Morning ammonia! It is horrible, terrible. I loathe morning diapers. It burns our eyes!!!

At this point, I can't decide if I should use disposables overnight, and which to use for that matter. Since its been awhile since I used sposies and at night I cannot remember if sposies had the ammonia morning stink too? All i CAN remember is that they did leak at night for us. We used Huggies organic I think, and regular Huggies. I know that the "stay dry" and "overnights" have certain chemicals in them I'd like to stay away from. The other morning Caden had a blister on his weeter...NOT COOL! I suspect it was ammonia burn. I have tried "stripping"and using less detergent, extra rinsing, TBS of bleach during cycle, using borax, using RLR...nothing has really made a difference in the overnight ammonia stink. At about 3 AM I can start to smell it. UGHH! I also suspect it is what makes Caden wake up a lot at night. I know that one option is to wake up and change them...but that means changing 3 of them (I'll have to change Scarlett anyways, but I know that the ammonia issues doesn't start happening until u introduce solids), and risk waking them and getting them all back to sleep....Really not interested in waking them up.

Should I make night time more pleasant and spend the money on diapers to use at night? I feel like if I use regular diapers with chemicals its kinda defeating my reason to cloth diaper and since the stores around here do not sell the non toxic brands I'd have to order them on amazon by the case...not so bad since Ill only use them at night AND won't go through a case until 2-3 months. So if anyone reads this and uses the chemical free brands...Can you give me pointers on what brand works for you overnight? Does anyone else get ammonia stink in the morning regardless of what diaper you use?

Stinky morning diaper love to you, Jenn*

P.S. I found spell check...WHOA...blogger is high speed. How many mistakes did I have, TO MANY! I am sure there is a lot of grammar mistakes in there too. 

Pain in the butt!!!

Yup, I feel like my butt will explode. It doesnt feel great, hope she comes soon. As a matter of fact, I am packing my bag as we speak. Last night before bed, I had major pressure in my butt, and then after that I had 3 contractions about 13 minutes apart. Followed by an extremley painful hip socket pain...not normal hip discomfort. It feels like the head is rolling around on my hip socket. Its a sharp shoting pain. I have ask people about this pain and they look at me like i am crazy. I had this once or twice with Caden, but this pregnancy...I have had it since i was 7 months. It happens when im standing usually, and in order not to fall i have to grab onto something, it is almost bone crushing pain.
Anyways, hoping she comes soon. Just can't stop finding stuff to I need to do or think about, which is probably a good thing to keep my mind off. It is misererable keeping up after these babies and the house while being so ROUND! I cannot bend over without my butt feeling like it will explode. I cannot sleep well at night, tonight, I am going to try sleeping upright or something. I am cranky and moody. I just want to rest, but if i did that then the house would been a disaster...literally! And everytime I sit the kids need something.
Also, I haven't posted in a few weeks because Jesse has been using my computer to do correspondence courses....in order to get points, so he can get promoted. Hope he gets it soon.

Lots of love, Jenn*

OB appointment 34w 6d...my VBA2C fight.

I don't really want to give to much info on this right now. For reasons that I have VERY strong opinions on the subject of ANOTHER csection. I will say that although I really did like my Doc, after yesterday, I am convinced that I do not want this guy near me.
After agreeing with me at two previous appointments that my request to wait until due date to scheduale the csection and agreeing that it was a "good idea"...he acted as if we never had said conversation. He asked if i decided on a day in the 39th week. I will talk more about why i had decided 40th week later on...BUT an obvious reason was that I now believe a baby is not ready until its ready, actually this is common knowledge...I have reseached and done so much pondering on my past expiriences. Another reason why this Doc has ventured to the dark side---as i was laying on the table he bumped my foot and "ooopps, my peripheral vision is gone" NO WAY IS THIS GUY GETTING NEAR ME OR MY WOMB WITH A SCALPEL! Plain as youghurt...I am just not doing it. He then does and ultrasound, and uses several scare tactics, "your placenta has calcifications." "what does this mean" "your placenta is getting old and blood vessels are stopping and you will be going into labor soon"....So, from my understanding this happens and is normal and fine and my placenta is doing it's J.O.B. So WTF is your point Doc? Then he went onto to say that he still cannot figure out why I opted out of the Gest. Diabetes test.
It is perfectly acceptable for a woman in good health to have a trial of labor after two c-sections. I know some certain family members are concerned for our saftey though labor, I would like for those of you to ponder this: A repeat csection poses the SAME risk as a VBA2C. The information is there you just have to look for it if you don't believe me!
I have so many reasons to NOT have another csection and I will list them out for you if you feel compelled to know why i would chose a natural labor:

• Recovery is too painful. 
• Impossbile to nurse and recover with an IV in your arm and not being able to sit up...having NOBODY there to hand you the baby. 
• CATHETER--need I say more. F that!!
• The idiot anesthetisiologist who hits a nerve in your spinal column during a spinal tap and blames you for jerking uncontrolably.
• 3+ days in the hospital away from my babies, who need me.
• 6+ weeks of constantly telling my two older babies why they cannot sit on my lap due to thier wiggly nature and fear of them landing accidently on my incision or why I cannot pick them up (how am i expected to hurl them up into thier carseats?)
• A doped up unmemorable labor, in which i cannot enjoy being the first to hold my baby, or having my Love be the first to hold our baby and cut the cord after it stops pulsating. Bonding immediatley with both my husband and child. (unmemorable may be the wrong word, both my previous births where memorable, and i enjoyed the fact that baby was finally here safe. By unmemorable...I mean being to morphined up, which is not something I enjoyed)
• Laying on an OR table with your guts open, and being awake to hear it,  but strapped down, and feeling them tugging and pulling on insides! This sounds like a nightmare to me, like i am a dead body on a table that is still able to think about whats going on around me. 

"studies on VBA2C that do not distinguish between between induced, augmented, and spontaneous VBA2C labors in their results"

Here is another gem: "it is entirely within your right to insist that you would rather take on the relative risks of VBA2C than the relative risks of a third (or fourth, fifth, etc.) cesarean surgery.  While uterine rupture is a serious occurrence (though one that is not always, or even often, catastrophic), the risks of cesarean surgery are also serious, and even potentially catastrophic, occurrences.  When compared with a vaginal birth, a c-section carries an increased risk of hemorrhage, blood clots, and bowel obstruction for the mother; and an increased risk of breathing difficulties around the time of birth and childhood and adulthood asthma for the baby.  What’s more, one’s risk of hysterectomy, placenta previa and placenta accreta in future pregnancies increase significantly with each subsequent cesarean section." 

I want for everyone to just let me and my body do what it needs to do, and what it was meant to do by design. I want people to stop pestering me and asking when is baby going to be ready, and are you sure thats safe? And why on earth would you want to have labor with drugs? I want to be able to walk around during labor if i need it, I want to be able to listen to music and watch TV or get on my computer or just sit in a bath tub. (I dont even get to do that on a regular basis or even on Mothers Day for christs sake!) I want my labor to be on mine and Scarletts schedule and not on anyone elses. 

Its about us not anyone else! 

I am still going to smile and although at this point the only person I truely feel believes that I CAN do it, is Jesse, thats all I need. I am off to go figure out my next move in the and kiss 

my babies and do all the things I need to do before she gets here.

Please pray, send good vibes, have faith and believe that I CAN do this.

Love and hugs, 

Jenn*

Mommy/Daughter day---Ruby got a bo-bo :-(

My day went like this:

Woke up and Caden wanted "nana"...his way of asking to nurse. So, I nursed him and he didnt want to stop of course like always. I insisted and we ended up getting out of bed so we wouldn't wake up anyone else. Came into the living room and nursed a few more minutes while I watch the news. I had to insist again that Caden stop, so I got him a bowl of vanilla yogurt with ground flax. I made eggs with onion powder and tarragan for breakfast most of it was for the babies...but I had a bite. I made myself a smoothie, I have different recipes i use and mostly I just expiriment. I spent the rest of the morning tring to accompish a plan of action for my postpartum frozen meals, and a shopping list. I did not get much done in that area, because my littles needed lots of attention. We took a bath, and they just needed snacks, and drinks and potty and diaper changes, and tickles, and "nana", and help picking out clothes and I had a load of diapers washing.
Jesse woke up late because he is still on leave and enjoying it.When he woke up he didnt feel like working on his car like he had planned so I wanted to take advantage and have a special day with Ruby. We got ready fast (I didnt even put on any makeup) and went to the mall and got tickects to see "Chipwrecked".

We got there early and at lunch time so we shared a kiddie combo from Corn Dog 7. Then stopped by Ruby's favorite store Candyopolis and got some goodies. Then we got to the theatre and as soon as i sat down I had to pee...go figure. I had to convince Ruby that i had to go and that we would come back. This was officially her first trip to the movies...and she said it was "Scary and dark" walking up the stairs. LOL! 

We watched the movie and she enjoyed it and she had her usual commentary like "oooo, look, a monster" and "oooo, look, a coke coke", she cracks me up every single day! Unfortunatley, she had a hard time sitting still which isnt unsual for her. She decided to sit on my lap, well, there is not just much of a lap for her to sit in at this point in my pregnancy. She tried and within a few minutes she fell...nuthing stopped her but her poor little head. MY POOR LITTLE BABY! I picked her up, and she curled into a bal covering her eyes...I could just feel she wanted to ball as loud as she could but she held it back with all her brave little might. POOR BABY! I hugged her for 3 whole minutes and i asked if she was ok  and if she wanted to stay and watch the rest of the movie or leave. She wanted to stay. I could feel a huge knot had formed on her head. She held it in, she didnt cry. I told her she was so brave for not crying, and staying to watch the movie.

We came home and didnt do much. I attempted to finish my meal and grocery list but Mi man wanted time with Mommy since I had been out for 3 hours. He nursed just needed love and hugs. Before I knew it it was time for dinner and I totally blew my resolution and got in the car and went to McD's! UGGGHH! So convienient, but so bad. I will feel it tommarrow I know. 

Anyways, now I am writting my blog for yesterday and today, and since I am done I will get off and enjoy my loving baby snuggles and my random contractions.

LOTS of LOVE and hopefully no more bo-bos,

Jenn*

P.S. At several points this evening Ruby assured me that she does infact "need a Dr" (one of her favorite sayings "i need a dr" and that her eye hurts. I tried to ice it, I think she will be OK. I curse myself for passing my clumsy gene on to her. 

Happy New Year...a day late!

I made a New Year resolution to write in my blog as much as possible. Easier said then done. I'll try to post fun interesting things but sometimes they won't be anything more then things I do everyday motherhood things. 

It'll be about my hopes and dreams and things I would like to have. Or even about things about my kids and hubby that make all the stress and me striving to be the best Mommy I can be, worth it. :-)

Here is my New Year resolution list:

• Stay off Facebook...or at least limit it
• Actually write this blog 
• Schedule and structure time learning and playtime for my kids
• Less TV for my kids (goes with the resolution mentioned above)
• Budget better
• Enjoy what will be my last year at home with my first born!
• Lose weight and fit into my pre-marriage jeans
• Eat less sugar
• Take kids out more

I am not putting anytime limits on any because i don't want to pressure myself. Some of these dont have time limits that can be set, some just need to be done for the matter of they wont ever be able to be done again...as in I won't ever get this time with my kids back...They will start school, and stay in school until they are 17-18 years old. That is kinda sad. I feel like i am losing time. So I end this blog on that note...reminding myself that time with my babies is the most important, precious time I will have in life. I will never get this time back and right now I am off to enjoy it, and ejoy the fact that i am so lucky to have a husband that works so hard so that I am able to spend this important time with them.

Lots of love and kisses,
Jenn*